I am invited to talk about #TeenPregnancy this coming week, and in my planning I was really scratching my head on what approach I should have. I usually prefer an audience that has both young girls and young boys, because I vehemently believe that we can no longer address girls only on how-to-not-fall-pregnant then leave the boys out as if they are not the seed bearers.
So in my planning a thought dropped in my head: sexual liberation, sexuality & modernity also known as sexual revolution.
In the past few weeks I have been reading a lot about sexual liberation that females are demanding in terms of sex.
The urban dictionary’s definition is as follows:
Sexually Liberated – The ideology of one shamelessly and often satisfying their sexual needs and desires without the burden of guilt or the judgment of established morally-correct societal mores. One who, when horny, has no qualms finding someone(s) to break him/her off proper – preferably many, many times over! This applies equally to women as it does men, and often, the gender of the sexual partner is moot as long as orgasm is achieved. There is usually mutual sexual desire/tension and neither party has expectations of future encounters, though should they present themselves, they are rarely declined.
The sexual revolution, also known as a time of sexual liberation, was a social movement that challenged traditional codes of behavior related to sexuality and interpersonal relationships throughout the Western world from the 1960s to the 1980s. Sexual liberation included increased acceptance of sex outside of traditional heterosexual, monogamous relationships (primarily marriage). The normalization of contraception and the pill, public nudity, premarital sex, homosexuality and alternative forms of sexuality, and the legalization of abortion all followed.
With the sexual revolution, house sex parties, at teenager level, also increases; with booze weed and all sorts of so-called recreational substances that have added more to the societal pressures than just the guise of recreation.
When I was young, when grown-ups had certain conversations, we as kids were asked to go to another room or go outside and play as grown-ups were talking. We were never allowed into such conversations. Now with the prevalence of social media everything or information or conversations are open to all teenagers, BUT we are not checking how teens receive the information they consume. With us growth ups constantly fighting for the non-judgemental right to sleep with whomever we may want to sleep with, including sleeping with the kids under the guise of “ben 10nism” to “sugar daddy-ism”; Is it not perhaps time that we start addressing the growth ups about the scourge of teen pregnancy? Is it also not time we educate the teenagers about what this sexual liberation truly is, where this notion comes from and how they can exercise their so-called rights in a way that will not harm nor derail their own lives and their development.
But then .. if we as grown ups seem to be struggling with the same sexual liberation, do we really expect kids to win?
Grown-ups it is time to join the conversation! What are your kids overhearing you say? And what do they see you do?
I once asked a question on my Facebook timeline: why do parents still find it so hard to talk to their kids are sex, in 2015 with such an assumed sense of sexual openness. One person said maybe it is because the parents themselves may be doing the very same things. Ouch!
And then do we address oral sex when we do the sex talk or thats not important as we dont want to give them ideas? when a USA study was it showed that teens chose oral sex and yet we all know the STIs also linked hygiene & oral sex .. so sithini ke bazali xa kunje? But then what is the healthiest ways for teens to explore their sexuality without us as grown up policing everything??
For now I will do my best to address this issue with your teens, at the schools that I have access to me by invitation.. BUT all my talks will be futile if I as the parents at home are sleeping with 10 different sexual partners in one week, in my home in front of my kids, without explaining to them what it all means. May be the instead of damning the kids alone in this scourge of teen pregnancy, lets also ask ourselves important questions.
Written by Nomveliso kaMbanga kaNguta also known as a Teencooach and also running around the country calling herself First Lady VNN 🙂