The Shadows that dance .. with violence against women


..  in an era with such high statistics of violence against women .. where it seems instead of things going down, they are escalating even more. What I find most incredible is that even your most educated of men are often the ones who create and perpetuate this cycle of violence.


What I find equally incredible ironic is that this violence against women has been & is done by men. In 5 women in a room there is a high chance that 3 of them have been either raped or molested at some point in their lives and some repeatedly so and not just one incident. Yet it seems men who are in relationships are ill prepared to date a woman who has been raped or molested. The somehow seem not to know what to do or what to say once they realise that their beloved lady they fell for has such a story.


Some of the mistakes most men make:


1. They assume their ladies tell them in order to seek pity from them.

2. They pull away and distant themselves as they just don’t know how to handle the ‘situation’.

3. They try talk this lady out of what they call “victim mentality” – the assumption is that for bringing up this story, probably they are feeling sorry for themselves.

4. They use this story in arguments when they can’t win – they throw this story back at the lady in the hope to get her to shut up and abort whatever argument they were having.


A couple of months back rape was hugely chastised in media and a call for men to do something about it .. the irony is that as much as most rapes & sexual molestation is done by males .. it seems the male themselves are ill prepared on how to handle, help or support a female who has been raped. So maybe the time males hear of lady being raped next door, in the news, all around them – they should carry a thought that this or that could be the mother of my children and life partner. Hopefully this thought will generate some action in their part.


I know its unfair to blanket all men in this but hopefully in order to converse.. most men will take this up and talk to each other for a change as eventually as some point as ladied … we will need a shoulder to cry on .. you can either turn a blind eye now … but as the African saying goes “unyawo alunampulo”.. no one can tell where one will let up tomorrow.


So I thought I will attempt to give some pointers on how men can handle this, but then realised I am not an expert so I will not try .. the hope is that this little note will generate some conversation .. and hopefully some people will give pointers on how best can a man handle the news when they first hear …another big thing as a lot of females stress themselves silly thinking when the right time will be to tell their new partners, should they tell, is their story to share or not share … long before the ordeal this ordeal continues.. in different forms as its shadows dances every now & then!


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